Calling myself an Artist

My "business" started approximately December 2002. My old "Officer's Spouse Club" was having an ornament exchange & I hand-painted our squadron's logo on a porcelain ornament. My ornament was traded 'til it became "off limits" due to the strict rules of the ornament exchange. (3 trades, then it's retired) :) When the other girls asked if they could order one from me, I blushed & couldn't bring myself to take orders. It's always nice to have a friend or 2 or 3 who believes in you more than you believe in yourself. That was my Janette, Kathy & Gillian. One of them started a sign-up sheet for me & took orders for 12 or so of those squadron logo ornaments. I was so excited, yet slightly embarrassed for becoming this person who took money from people.

It's taken me that long, or more, (5 1/2 years) for me to take myself seriously as an artist. I still have a hard time calling myself an "artist" because art is, afterall, subjective. What makes you an artist? I'm not really sure & I still feel unworthy of the self-given title, but I'm not sure what else to call myself. I think an estimate to how many paintings (of various types) I've done is close to or over 1,000. Yet I still have a hard time calling myself an artist. What if I'm the art/visual version of someone who's tone deaf, but still belts out a tune? :) Man, that'd suck. [You guys would've told me by now, right?!]

One of my biggest problems I've run in to as an entrepreneur is taking money from people. If you know me & my lifestyle, you know I don't do it for the money. I do it because it's fun, it's a challenge, and I do it for other people because they ask me to. It's a service. But I still have always had a hard time with getting paid for the time & talent. The materials - no problem. I have no problem charging 100% for the supplies. But it's what turns that blank canvas or piece of wood into the "art" that I have a hard time taking money for. I'm not sure whether it's because it's a God-given talent & I don't feel it's right to collect on that or if it's because I don't think I'm talented enough. But somewhere in there, I lose respect for myself. I have trouble with my true worth. Back in 1985, I didn't have a problem calling myself an artist... or cute... or lovable... or exciting. :) Where'd that girl go?

Over the last few months, I've been really working on those struggles. I've been carefully choosing projects that I love & have been attempting to assign a truer value to my time & talent. I know this might be a strange thing to be telling potential & existing customers, but I want you to know where I'm coming from. I'd say one big boost in this direction came from realizing that if I cheat myself, I'm also cheating my husband & 3 kids that I am choosing to spend time away from, as I work down in my studio. That reason alone is enough to rid myself of any insecurities. Currently on my home page, I have written "I'm not sure what has taken me so long, but I have officially added home portraits to my site". :) But as I typed that, I knew it wasn't 100% true. I knew what had taken me so long... it was feeling worthy of the cost. To me, anything over $30 is expensive. I know, I'm weird & that doesn't even make sense. But there's a reason I nearly failed Economics in college.

So in closing, this little tale titled "Calling myself an Artist" all is because I've added home portraits to my website. I hope you don't go in to sticker shock. But this girl is turning over a new leaf. :)