The Imperfect Nest ...

Print found here.

From now until 4/30, in honor of Autism Awareness Month, all proceeds from this and the rest of my prints will go  towards purchasing a Language program for my son's resource center at school.

This is one of my favorite quotes. I have done a few paintings of it before [as seen here] ... but ironically enough, I couldn't get a photograph turned into a print that I was proud of to save my life.    The irony, of course - that they weren't "perfect" enough. :) I tried twice to get prints made and came home with new batches of both ... but never put them in my shop because I just wasn't happy with the product. There's perfection & then there's the fact that you are a shop owner creating a product that you want to stand behind whole-heartedly. I didn't want to sell something to somebody that I would not buy myself. But my fundraiser had to have that quote.  So third time was the charm. I painted an entirely new nest with new colors, new angle. Literally and figuratively. :)

When I paint, I think [& sometimes listen to Pandora or watch the Barefoot Contessa]. This time, I got to thinking of the previous night's special on Autism.  It's an in-depth look into a retired PBS news anchor's new world of Autism. Robert MacNeil's 6 year old grandson has Autism & as the grandfather, he is intrigued & heartbroken. He basically came back to reporting just to tell this story.  I think he's doing a fabulous job covering all the bases, one of which was interviewing his 10 year old granddaughter. He asked her questions about what it's like to have a brother with Autism. She got choked up as she talked about how sometimes she longed for the perfect life ... she sees others not have to struggle with Autism in their family & it didn't seem fair.

I was heartbroken for her. I've had similar conversations with my middle 'neuro typical' child, Davis, who often thinks life is unfair & that as his parents we're unfair. And you know what? He's right. It is not easy to be a sibling in an Autistic Family.

I've heard him say that we're "only proud of Brett". Of course that is not true, but in actuality, we probably are more vocal in praising Brett because after correcting him or asking him to do something 473 times, NEWS FLASH: he finally did it! However, now that I am aware that it might seem skewed, I do my best to praise fairly.

I spend over an hour every weekday night with Brett on his homework, but Davis can do his one math sheet of homework all by himself in less than 3 minutes.  I don't even have to go over it and check for mistakes. It's almost always all right. I feel bad I'm not more involved with Davis when he's doing his homework, but it's so d.r.a.i.n.i.n.g to do it with Brett I almost have nothing left over. I know I take for granted that Davis is so smart and self-directed.

Recently, we started an incentive program for Brett here at home. If he got all stars for good, cooperative behavior at school for 10 days, he got a prize. We were trying to undo a pattern of bad, uncooperative behavior and thankfully, it worked. Well, Davis wanted one, too. He told me "I know dad says I'm always good at school, but I want a chart, too".  I am aware that some children could have used this as an opportunity to act up at school, in order to create a need for a chart themselves.  But thankfully, not Davis. So, I asked him if he wanted to start a chore chart.  Luckily, he was okay with our modification. He loves chores. Last night he earned two stars for cleaning up his & Brett's room and for helping Libby clean up hers. Such a great kid.

Since Davis was born, he has spent on average an hour & a half per week either in a waiting room or somewhere waiting for Brett's therapy to get out. We started therapy with Brett, when Davis was just about a week old. He is 7 years old now ... so if my math is right, that is approximately 546 hours of Davis's life spent waiting. Just on his brother's therapy.

We don't have as many play dates after school because quite frankly, I'm exhausted just taking care of my own and there just aren't enough hours in the day. Our evenings are so busy between winding down after school, getting a snack, sports practice, speech therapy, making dinner, eating dinner, doing homework and showers, that there is not much more I want to take on. I know this is no different from other parents with school age kids, but ... it just is.  I know it is.

We also know Davis gets embarrassed by, frustrated with and angry at his brother. We have sibling rivalry to the umpteenth degree.  I have had a few heart to hearts with Davis. About Brett. And we both usually wind up crying. I start it and I think he then feels so bad that he starts in as well. I think so much is said between us just in our tears. I know his life isn't easy. But neither is Brett's. Neither is Libby's. Nor mine. Nor Kyle's. So I'm led to believe that no one's is. We all have our things that make life seem unfair; small imperfections in the nest that has been made up for us. Some are more apparent than others, some are well hidden, but we all have them.

Our children live in a nest that apparently is more noticeably imperfect than others.  As the mother bird, I am aware. But I hope and pray that one day, they will look back on it all and realize all those colorful pieces that were woven into our life story, is what made ours beautiful.

[To view the PBS News Hour segment, on Autism, click here.]