The day he learned to walk ...

When we accept tough jobs as a challenge to our ability 

and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, 

miracles can happen.  -Arland Gilbert

At the appointment on his 18 month Birthday, I had to tell the doc that Brett wasn't walking. Or talking. Besides babble. 'Do you count that? Oh ... no? Okay yeah. Then he's not talking either.' I was laid back. I was cool. But the doctor thankfully wasn't. He ordered me to go to the store & get a real pair of shoes [the cute Gap ones weren't cutting it]. Then we were to report back in one month. If we didn't have a walker amongst us ... there would be a referral for an intervention of some sort. No more needed to be said. I was scared. I didn't want it to get to the point that someone was going to tell me there was something wrong with my son. So we went from the doctor's appointment straight to Target where I got him these little shoes. As soon as we pulled up into the driveway, I took off the Gap ones & put these on his little feet. I set him down with both feet on the sidewalk. He stood on his feet longer than he ever had by himself. Progress was being made by the second.

Within a minute or two, steps were even taken. Soon daddy pulled up to the curb, home from work.  It was the kind of excitement that causes you to throw your water bottle down into the grass [as pictured] to have two hands ready to catch your son because you've never seen him walk before on his own & you're afraid he's going to need a hand. It's the kind of excitement that on a hot day mid-April day in Jacksonville, Florida you don't run inside to change out of your hot flight suit because more important things are happening at the moment & you don't want to miss it.  I am pretty sure it's the same reason why there aren't any photos until after Kyle got home - I didn't want to stop Brett just to take him inside with me for a moment to grab the camera. I didn't want to interrupt the moment.  We stayed out there for almost an hour. His best buddy, our neighbor, passed by on a walk with his dad. He got out of the stroller to celebrate this moment with us. 

These shoes were magic. Within 15 minutes of having them on his feet, he was up to maybe 15 steps in a row. 

Check out that face. He was doing something big & he knew it. He still gets that look when he does big things. Last week Brett had his first band concert. And from my front & center seat in the audience, he caught my eye, & I saw this look. Last summer on the 3&2 baseball fields every time he got a hit or scored a run, he'd look out into the bleachers & I'd see this look. Whenever he has had an exceptional day at school & I read about it in his daily planner, I get this look. 

Here's that same look on Brett as an almost 10 year old. :) Here he was just doing homework, but was embarrassed by the fact that I was taking pictures of him just because. Just because he was so cute & it was hitting me that he was so big, grown up & almost 10. He didn't know why I was taking his picture. But Brett just knew he was making me happy at that very  moment & that made him happy & feel good. Thus, the face. 

Here's another milestone, same look. This is after he scored his very first soccer goal in a game, four years ago.

He loves to make us proud. It makes him happy to see us happy. That's what this face is.

As I was writing about that doctor's appointment where I was given an ultimatum, I wondered ... what if Brett hadn't walked that day? What if that month passed & I had to take him in? And begin the evaluation process with him as a 19 month old? He would have had an earlier intervention. But he walked. So we were off the hook for six whole months 'til his 2nd year appointment, when the doctor once again wasn't satisfied. This time that Brett still wasn't talking. The need for an evaluation didn't go away, it was just delayed because Brett walked that day. And so I find myself wondering if it's a good or a bad thing that he walked.  But I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason.

So digging deep down for a reason that his diagnosis & intervention was put off ... I will say maybe it's because God wanted to show us to expect miracles when we least expect them. And that lowering our expectations is not the answer. And that he will grow up and do things that we had no idea he was capable of. Things that we can't predict the timing of or wrap our brain around the idea of it happening. But it can. We've seen it over & over again.

That doesn't mean that we give up trying to help him. We don't live under the assumption that miracles will happen & take care of everything. We still try to make improvements which is why he's currently in Physical Therapy & Behavioral Therapy. We have resources available & we plan to give them a try. There are the Gap shoes that look cute. And then there are the shoes that he needs us to get for him in order to give him the wide, solid base necessary to make strides. We still have to seek out what's best for him.

What if he hadn't walked that day? He would have gotten an earlier intervention; more therapy; and a diagnosis sooner.  But what did we get that day when he walked? Besides a milestone finally filled out in his baby book, I think I got the lesson taught to me that he is capable of big things and that with some hard work, the right tools & an opportunity to do it, we will see more big things.  It's not a guarantee for success, but you won't know if you don't try. Whether it's buying him his new walking shoes, signing him up for baseball or buying him a trumpet, we wouldn't have these amazing moments & milestones if we wouldn't have let him try. And that adorable expression of happiness & accomplishment that I love to see on his face? We still get it when we see him do these big things and it reminds me once again, that he is fully capable of doing something that seemed impossible. And then we start the next big thing with the knowledge that success isn't a guarantee, but that it's at least a possibility. 

Faith is taking the first step 

even when you don't see 

the whole staircase. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today is World Autism Day. For the first time in a few years, I don't have anything big planned. Time got away from me & I have been busy lending my creativity to other things.  :) But I know there will always be opportunities to give & help. So, I will keep looking for those opportunities when they pop up - even if they aren't during Autism Awareness Month. However, I couldn't let this day pass without sharing a story & giving thanks for the incredible moments we've been given because of this disorder that I thought was going to derail us long ago when I feared it. For more stories, click here. :)