The day he learned to walk ...

When we accept tough jobs as a challenge to our ability 

and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, 

miracles can happen.  -Arland Gilbert

At the appointment on his 18 month Birthday, I had to tell the doc that Brett wasn't walking. Or talking. Besides babble. 'Do you count that? Oh ... no? Okay yeah. Then he's not talking either.' I was laid back. I was cool. But the doctor thankfully wasn't. He ordered me to go to the store & get a real pair of shoes [the cute Gap ones weren't cutting it]. Then we were to report back in one month. If we didn't have a walker amongst us ... there would be a referral for an intervention of some sort. No more needed to be said. I was scared. I didn't want it to get to the point that someone was going to tell me there was something wrong with my son. So we went from the doctor's appointment straight to Target where I got him these little shoes. As soon as we pulled up into the driveway, I took off the Gap ones & put these on his little feet. I set him down with both feet on the sidewalk. He stood on his feet longer than he ever had by himself. Progress was being made by the second.

Within a minute or two, steps were even taken. Soon daddy pulled up to the curb, home from work.  It was the kind of excitement that causes you to throw your water bottle down into the grass [as pictured] to have two hands ready to catch your son because you've never seen him walk before on his own & you're afraid he's going to need a hand. It's the kind of excitement that on a hot day mid-April day in Jacksonville, Florida you don't run inside to change out of your hot flight suit because more important things are happening at the moment & you don't want to miss it.  I am pretty sure it's the same reason why there aren't any photos until after Kyle got home - I didn't want to stop Brett just to take him inside with me for a moment to grab the camera. I didn't want to interrupt the moment.  We stayed out there for almost an hour. His best buddy, our neighbor, passed by on a walk with his dad. He got out of the stroller to celebrate this moment with us. 

These shoes were magic. Within 15 minutes of having them on his feet, he was up to maybe 15 steps in a row. 

Check out that face. He was doing something big & he knew it. He still gets that look when he does big things. Last week Brett had his first band concert. And from my front & center seat in the audience, he caught my eye, & I saw this look. Last summer on the 3&2 baseball fields every time he got a hit or scored a run, he'd look out into the bleachers & I'd see this look. Whenever he has had an exceptional day at school & I read about it in his daily planner, I get this look. 

Here's that same look on Brett as an almost 10 year old. :) Here he was just doing homework, but was embarrassed by the fact that I was taking pictures of him just because. Just because he was so cute & it was hitting me that he was so big, grown up & almost 10. He didn't know why I was taking his picture. But Brett just knew he was making me happy at that very  moment & that made him happy & feel good. Thus, the face. 

Here's another milestone, same look. This is after he scored his very first soccer goal in a game, four years ago.

He loves to make us proud. It makes him happy to see us happy. That's what this face is.

As I was writing about that doctor's appointment where I was given an ultimatum, I wondered ... what if Brett hadn't walked that day? What if that month passed & I had to take him in? And begin the evaluation process with him as a 19 month old? He would have had an earlier intervention. But he walked. So we were off the hook for six whole months 'til his 2nd year appointment, when the doctor once again wasn't satisfied. This time that Brett still wasn't talking. The need for an evaluation didn't go away, it was just delayed because Brett walked that day. And so I find myself wondering if it's a good or a bad thing that he walked.  But I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason.

So digging deep down for a reason that his diagnosis & intervention was put off ... I will say maybe it's because God wanted to show us to expect miracles when we least expect them. And that lowering our expectations is not the answer. And that he will grow up and do things that we had no idea he was capable of. Things that we can't predict the timing of or wrap our brain around the idea of it happening. But it can. We've seen it over & over again.

That doesn't mean that we give up trying to help him. We don't live under the assumption that miracles will happen & take care of everything. We still try to make improvements which is why he's currently in Physical Therapy & Behavioral Therapy. We have resources available & we plan to give them a try. There are the Gap shoes that look cute. And then there are the shoes that he needs us to get for him in order to give him the wide, solid base necessary to make strides. We still have to seek out what's best for him.

What if he hadn't walked that day? He would have gotten an earlier intervention; more therapy; and a diagnosis sooner.  But what did we get that day when he walked? Besides a milestone finally filled out in his baby book, I think I got the lesson taught to me that he is capable of big things and that with some hard work, the right tools & an opportunity to do it, we will see more big things.  It's not a guarantee for success, but you won't know if you don't try. Whether it's buying him his new walking shoes, signing him up for baseball or buying him a trumpet, we wouldn't have these amazing moments & milestones if we wouldn't have let him try. And that adorable expression of happiness & accomplishment that I love to see on his face? We still get it when we see him do these big things and it reminds me once again, that he is fully capable of doing something that seemed impossible. And then we start the next big thing with the knowledge that success isn't a guarantee, but that it's at least a possibility. 

Faith is taking the first step 

even when you don't see 

the whole staircase. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today is World Autism Day. For the first time in a few years, I don't have anything big planned. Time got away from me & I have been busy lending my creativity to other things.  :) But I know there will always be opportunities to give & help. So, I will keep looking for those opportunities when they pop up - even if they aren't during Autism Awareness Month. However, I couldn't let this day pass without sharing a story & giving thanks for the incredible moments we've been given because of this disorder that I thought was going to derail us long ago when I feared it. For more stories, click here. :) 

Best night ever ...

Brett leading off of 2nd.

Brett crossing home plate.

Brett with the game ball!

Davis & Brett after the game. :)

Two nights ago, Brett had a good game. Like a really good. Not just a good game for being a boy who is developmentally behind from his peers. I'm talking a good game even for a 'typical' 9 1/2 year old. And that? Makes a mama of an 'atypical autistic' child: jump to her feet, hootin' & hollerin', taking pics of him on every base just to record every second of the event. I was so proud. And so happy for him. He has worked nearly every day of his life just to be like his peers. It's not a conscious thing, he just does it on his own. Sure we work with him a little extra on things & provide him with tutors & therapists. But I think most of it is his own drive that gets him places.

The other night, that boy got a great hit that got him on base. He stole 2nd & 3rd, then on the next hit by his teammate, Brett scored a RUN. Everyone in the bleachers & dugout was genuinely HAPPY. For him. He had the biggest grin on his face & was making sure EVERYONE KNEW.  And just when we thought it was as good as it gets? He repeats the aforementioned sequence. Two singles, two runs, in back to back innings - his 2 times he was at bat that game.

His coach awarded him the "game ball" where we wrote the details of the game - his name, date, who they played, the score, etc. That night he slept with it next to him. :)

I am so happy for these moments. And he deserves them. He works so hard. These are the moments that take you back to the days of a doom & gloom diagnosis when you really didn't know what Brett would be capable of when he was 9 1/2. I know not every game will be like this. I don't know if he knows every game will not be like this, which will lead to frustrations, I'm sure. But for now we just soak it in as his BEST NIGHT EVER to date. :) So proud.

Fundraiser wrap up ...

Real quick because I'm supposed to be packing. But, just wanted to send out a final tally for my Autism Awareness Fundraiser for my son's Resource Center at school. My goal was to raise $500 in order to purchase a Language program & together we actually raised $700! :) AMAZING. Thank you! So so much!

I am off to spend a few days with some old faces. One of my Mother's Day gifts was a shiny new red suitcase with a flight reservation in it.  Had to suddenly break some plans with some peeps here & have to suddenly make some plans with some peeps there. Say a prayer for me ... I'm not used to operating solo. It's already feeling weird! :)

Under the Umbrella ...

Brett is funny. In so many ways. He's funny in ways that just leave you with a huge question mark in your thought bubble because you have no idea where he's coming from with an idea. It keeps things interesting. :) For instance, he Lah-Ha-Hoves umbrellas. Always has [as seen here in the bottom of a post from 2 years ago]. We? Don't get it. But that's okay. Who are we to question what's awesome & what's not?

A little over a month ago he drew the [above] umbrella. Before we knew it, he had cut it out and taped it to our door. After I got over the fact that he had gotten his hands on both the scissors and tape that I usually try I keep out of reach from little hands ... I told him how pretty it was. Brett was so proud of it, he showed all of us. And you have to know Brett. He doesn't just show you, he makes a production of it. He usually stands back with his hands on his hips with a smile so proud, yet bashful that you feel inclined to play along with the huge WOW factor, that quite possibly is there just for him. Sometimes he even adds a "Well, well, well... WHAT. do we HAVE here...."

His dad couldn't resist. He just came out & said what we have all been thinking. "Brett... why do you like umbrellas so much?" Instead of really telling us what the fascination is all about, Brett went on to tell us how they are useful, for instance that they protect you from the rain. Kyle, seeing a window of opportunity here, cut him off from his spiel & said "Brett. If you want ... I will buy you an umbrella. If you have 10 perfect days at school, I will buy you whatever umbrella you want.  You have to have 10 good days. I don't want to see "grumpy" or "sassy" or read that you stomped out of the classroom." Brett's face lit up like the 4th of July & said "You MEAN IT?" A big hug followed. So we made a chart. And day after day, we got reports of "Good; Great; Wow; Awesome; So proud!" I didn't tell his teacher until we were a few days into these good days because I didn't want to sway her in anyway ... I wanted the change to be real & noticeable.

He was so excited, he continued to have good days, every day. Even at recess during a kickball game when he reportedly kicked a pop fly & someone caught the ball, making it the 3rd out for his team. I think he had the umbrella on his mind when he slowly turned to look at his teacher & threw his arms up and ... just ... said .... "Ohhhh man!" [a line we've been feeding him for years for when he gets frustrated]. It was awesome.

10 stars later, we were ready to take Brett umbrella shopping. He had all sorts of ideas for what kind he wanted, but in the end ... it was slim pickin's at the store. But he was so excited to buy, he didn't want to go to another store to see what they had. In the ladies' section, it was leopard, zebra print, floral & this solid lime green one. In the men's section, they were all black. So we got the lime green one & he was happy. He was on cloud 9. All for an umbrella that was $7.99 + tax.

Now, this story wouldn't be complete if I didn't tell you what happened in the 5 minutes while we were taking the above pictures of him with his umbrella. Completely unrelated to the umbrella, but yet it falls under the umbrella of Autism. No true segue here at all. I'm just going to throw you into the situations as quickly as I was thrown into them. It's part of the fun.

Brett loves people. He loves to smile, say hi & hug. I'm usually hoping it just ends there. It normally doesn't. We can sometimes unknowingly find ourselves knee deep into an uncomfortable situation. Within about 5 minutes of each other we found ourselves in about 3.  He was on a roll. He pointed at a lady in a red Rascal & thought it was awesome :\ ... He's seen the infomercial & does think they are awesome. A Hispanic family walked by speaking Spanish. He spoke it back to them. And by "it" I mean a made up jargon that was his impression of the Spanish language :\ ... And when 3 Asian girls in their late teens walked by, he JUMPED at the chance to show off his Chinese he has learned from the cartoon Ni Hao, Kai Lan & gave them a friendly "Ni Hao" :\ ...  I decided to wrap up our umbrella photo shoot outside the T.J. Maxx ... 3 potential insults was our Maxx.

From there we went to the grocery store where in the parking lot he saw a lady maybe in her 60's. She did have gray here. He yelled & waved "hi". Surprised by Mr. Friendly, she happily said "hi" back. Then he said to me, "Mom, look! He's a grandma!" Double whammy. Wrong pronoun [every time] & then there's the age thing :\ ... so much for making her day. We're going on 4-5 years of this 'insult' in particular. I've probably told him 100 times, just because they have gray hair, it doesn't mean they're a grandma or grandpa. And some aren't comfortable with the term either way. :\

So, as we conclude this year's Autism Awareness Month, I think part of Autism Awareness is making you aware that not all insults are created equal. Some are born from a very sweet, innocent & friendly place. If only I had a chance to explain that to everyone we encountered. Perhaps I need to start carrying around pocket sized leaflets. They would read: "Sorry 'bout that. Rest assured, we will talk about ___________ and this situation just as soon as we walk away. Work in progress here. We'll learn about you, if you learn about us. Go to www.autismNOW.org. :)  Thanks & have a wonderful day!"  I will have to look into having some of those made. In the mean time, we'll be getting a lot of use out of that umbrella...


Did he say just say that? *unsnapping the closure strap ... hitting button ... vwoomp ... doo-dee-doo ... you don't see us under this big green umbrella ... keep walkin'.*

P.S. Tomorrow is the last day of the month, also the last day of my fundraiser & handmade with purpose! :) Thank you for all your support!

The Imperfect Nest ...

Print found here.

From now until 4/30, in honor of Autism Awareness Month, all proceeds from this and the rest of my prints will go  towards purchasing a Language program for my son's resource center at school.

This is one of my favorite quotes. I have done a few paintings of it before [as seen here] ... but ironically enough, I couldn't get a photograph turned into a print that I was proud of to save my life.    The irony, of course - that they weren't "perfect" enough. :) I tried twice to get prints made and came home with new batches of both ... but never put them in my shop because I just wasn't happy with the product. There's perfection & then there's the fact that you are a shop owner creating a product that you want to stand behind whole-heartedly. I didn't want to sell something to somebody that I would not buy myself. But my fundraiser had to have that quote.  So third time was the charm. I painted an entirely new nest with new colors, new angle. Literally and figuratively. :)

When I paint, I think [& sometimes listen to Pandora or watch the Barefoot Contessa]. This time, I got to thinking of the previous night's special on Autism.  It's an in-depth look into a retired PBS news anchor's new world of Autism. Robert MacNeil's 6 year old grandson has Autism & as the grandfather, he is intrigued & heartbroken. He basically came back to reporting just to tell this story.  I think he's doing a fabulous job covering all the bases, one of which was interviewing his 10 year old granddaughter. He asked her questions about what it's like to have a brother with Autism. She got choked up as she talked about how sometimes she longed for the perfect life ... she sees others not have to struggle with Autism in their family & it didn't seem fair.

I was heartbroken for her. I've had similar conversations with my middle 'neuro typical' child, Davis, who often thinks life is unfair & that as his parents we're unfair. And you know what? He's right. It is not easy to be a sibling in an Autistic Family.

I've heard him say that we're "only proud of Brett". Of course that is not true, but in actuality, we probably are more vocal in praising Brett because after correcting him or asking him to do something 473 times, NEWS FLASH: he finally did it! However, now that I am aware that it might seem skewed, I do my best to praise fairly.

I spend over an hour every weekday night with Brett on his homework, but Davis can do his one math sheet of homework all by himself in less than 3 minutes.  I don't even have to go over it and check for mistakes. It's almost always all right. I feel bad I'm not more involved with Davis when he's doing his homework, but it's so d.r.a.i.n.i.n.g to do it with Brett I almost have nothing left over. I know I take for granted that Davis is so smart and self-directed.

Recently, we started an incentive program for Brett here at home. If he got all stars for good, cooperative behavior at school for 10 days, he got a prize. We were trying to undo a pattern of bad, uncooperative behavior and thankfully, it worked. Well, Davis wanted one, too. He told me "I know dad says I'm always good at school, but I want a chart, too".  I am aware that some children could have used this as an opportunity to act up at school, in order to create a need for a chart themselves.  But thankfully, not Davis. So, I asked him if he wanted to start a chore chart.  Luckily, he was okay with our modification. He loves chores. Last night he earned two stars for cleaning up his & Brett's room and for helping Libby clean up hers. Such a great kid.

Since Davis was born, he has spent on average an hour & a half per week either in a waiting room or somewhere waiting for Brett's therapy to get out. We started therapy with Brett, when Davis was just about a week old. He is 7 years old now ... so if my math is right, that is approximately 546 hours of Davis's life spent waiting. Just on his brother's therapy.

We don't have as many play dates after school because quite frankly, I'm exhausted just taking care of my own and there just aren't enough hours in the day. Our evenings are so busy between winding down after school, getting a snack, sports practice, speech therapy, making dinner, eating dinner, doing homework and showers, that there is not much more I want to take on. I know this is no different from other parents with school age kids, but ... it just is.  I know it is.

We also know Davis gets embarrassed by, frustrated with and angry at his brother. We have sibling rivalry to the umpteenth degree.  I have had a few heart to hearts with Davis. About Brett. And we both usually wind up crying. I start it and I think he then feels so bad that he starts in as well. I think so much is said between us just in our tears. I know his life isn't easy. But neither is Brett's. Neither is Libby's. Nor mine. Nor Kyle's. So I'm led to believe that no one's is. We all have our things that make life seem unfair; small imperfections in the nest that has been made up for us. Some are more apparent than others, some are well hidden, but we all have them.

Our children live in a nest that apparently is more noticeably imperfect than others.  As the mother bird, I am aware. But I hope and pray that one day, they will look back on it all and realize all those colorful pieces that were woven into our life story, is what made ours beautiful.

[To view the PBS News Hour segment, on Autism, click here.]

The Game [guest post] ...

Today I did a guest post over at the {handmade with purpose} blog. :)
Read it here. 
Happy Friday! :)

Almost 1/2, Almost 4/5 :)

2 days shy of being 1/2 way through the month of April ...
and I am 1 print purchase shy of being 4/5 of the way to my $500 goal.

I think this is going to happen! :)  As of Monday I had almost every order all wrapped up, shipped or hand delivered. Felt good. Very time & space consuming process, but I'm so blessed to be & grateful for being this busy.

In addition to all the purchases from my shop, I have 2 Etsy shops helping me try & purchase the Language Program. Lindsay from Paint Me A Picture is splitting up her proceeds from all of her children's artwork this month. 50% will go to her local Autism Therapy Center in Albany, GA & the other 50% will go towards helping me with my goal of buying a Language Program for Brett's Resource Center. So awesome.. :) I also got a phone call this past weekend, from a 4th grader at our school [his brother is a classmate of Brett's]. He makes and sells rosaries [Etsy shop here], and always gives 10% away to a charity. He called to tell me he wanted to give 10% of his sales to the Resource Center. Such a sweet kid. I bought this soccer ball rosary for Brett's 1st Communion last year & it was perfect. Thanks to both of these Etsy shops for your amazing generosity!!!!

Last but not least, I did have a family purchase 1 print, but pay $100. And when I begged them to pick out a few more prints, they told me the 1 print would be a reminder that "we do things for others, not just for ourselves". What a response.

I tell ya what ... when you give, you do get so much more back. You hear that all the time it gets to be cliché. :) But it's true.

Go with the flow ...

[Look how old & mature he looks here. He'll be 7 on Friday!]

Story behind these paintings [& the print]:

Remember when I went in to talk to the 1st graders  [Davis's grade] a couple of weeks ago? Well, I had dug through my old college & high school portfolio, in order to bring in vast artistic styles of some things I had done. One of the pieces I brought in resembled these above. It was all black & white - done with either ink or watercolor. Very interesting to look at & when I handed out large drawing paper to the students, it was one that I urged them to try. I even showed them how to do it with a dry erase marker on the board.

Well, that weekend, Davis was bored. When he gets bored, he ain't happy, it's not pretty & nothing seems attractive to him. It's a challenge.  I was absolutely beside myself thrilled, after hearing him declare he was "bored", to look over in the dining room & see him trying to replicate that piece. I went over there, watched & gave him some tips. He did a line. I did a line. Then we turned it in to a game. We had so much fun & so many laughs. So fun to bond over art. [LOVE]

I made a mental note to try it on a canvas later. So fun, therapeutic & addicting. I did another & another & another & another 'til I ran out of canvases. As I painted each line, various ideas & quotes came into my head. All of course having to do with your ability to change, bend [but not break], & go with the flow. These all are very important qualities to have when dealing with a person who has Autism ... and these are all things as a parent, I am trying to teach my child [Brett] who has Autism.  And like the lines in these pieces... I'm hoping love, patience & understanding for Autistic people spreads & has a continued ripple effect.

I've already sold 2 of the 5 original paintings like this. But I'll be making more. The paintings & prints are available in my shop - 30% of the paintings & ALL proceeds from the prints are going towards my fundraiser from 4-2 - 4/30. For more info, click here. :)

{handmade with purpose.} 4/2 - 4/30

Participating Shops:  Aisle to Aloha Studio • Along for the Ride

aPearantly Sew • Brazen Design Studio • Casey Wiegand Art

 Craftee McGee's • cREaTe by R.E.T. • The Elephant's Trunk • EmeraldCut  Emerging Em • Five Sparrows • Food, Wine & Mod Podge • Hiya Luv Handmade  Jaclyn1423 • The Joys of Jess • Leapfrog Lane • Mandipidy

 One In The Hand • Paint Me A Picture • Plum Tree Studio

The Shine Project • Squirmy Worm Studio • Yes Teacher Crafts

I think this is so awesome to see all these shops / blogs choosing to do this. :) Be sure to visit the {handmade with purpose.} blog next week to get to know each of the shops, their causes, their story.

I have stocked & updated my shop. Again, all profit from my PRINTS & 30% of all proceeds from my original artwork on canvas will be used to purchase a Language program for our school's Resource Center. :) Thank you for your support!

Tomorrow ...

New prints available tomorrow! :)

[watermark will not show on prints]

Starting tomorrow & running the rest of the month I will be participating in {handmade with purpose.} It is a group put together by my sweet friend Lindsay [of Paint Me a Picture]. She started a blog for all those participating - so you can see all the various shops & blogs, what they're doing & what they're doing it for. It's going to be pretty cool. And I know as much as I love buying just because I like it / think it's cute / have to have it ... I like buying something 10x more if there's a story behind it & if I'm contributing towards a positive change somewhere in the world.  Think of it as a donation with benefits. :) So get ready to click & shop & support with all your heart!

This will be my 3rd year doing something for Autism Awareness Month. I have said many times - I am a terrible business person. :) I paint because I like it & that's that.  I don't like to push my work on anyone. But this is the one time a year I feel comfortable doing it - because it's not for me. This year, my fundraiser will concentrate more on PRINTS. At the moment I have 6 different prints available. All the net proceeds [everything minus the cost to print, shipping supplies & etsy fee] will be donated. In addition, 30% of all the original hand-painted artwork [the ones on canvas] will be donated. Throughout the month, if I find the time to make more artwork & prints, I will. So please visit the shop through out the month to see if there's anything new! :)

What am I raising money for? Well. This past summer we had some private speech therapy for my son Brett with one of our very favorite therapists. :) She was wonderful, the fact that she came to the house was wonderful & the program she used was as if it was written for Brett. It was language based. He has both a speech & language delay - but his speech has improved so much over time. His language on the other hand, still needs a lot of 'organization'. Sentence structure, prepositions, pronouns & all that fun stuff. As you can imagine - as a 3rd grader, having a language delay greatly affects your reading & writing among other things, like communicating with others.

This fall, when school started again, I was catching up with our Resource Teacher at school, telling her what we worked on this summer. She became interested in the program & started researching it. A month ago I spoke with her & she informed me the "Language for Learning" program was on "the list" of things for the Resource Center to buy after they had the money to do so.  I was thrilled just knowing it was in our future!!!!!  Of course I wish I had the money to just buy it.  But, $500 (+) is a lot of money. Last time I shook out my piggy bank, I was a lot short of that. So I got the idea to use my Autism Awareness Fundraiser towards that ... raising enough $ to hopefully purchase that program, which will benefit not only Brett, but other students at our school with a language delay.

So that's my {handmade with purpose}. :) Can't wait to share my new artwork with you. Throughout the month I will write a bit about the art pieces ... why I chose them. Stay tuned.

Just a Note ...

... to say I am busy painting a few new things!

April is Autism Awareness Month. Once again I will be holding a fundraiser in honor of my son Brett, starting April 2. I look forward to sharing my new work with you while drawing attention to Autism.  :)

P.S. Instead of going out on my own, I will be participating in {handmade with purpose.} ... a group of some shops & blogs joining up, but with our own separate shops & charities. Pretty cool idea by this girl (Lindsay) who helped me out last year! Strength in numbers! Can't wait! :)

Final thoughts ...

I survived the phone call.  15 minutes over the estimation ... it took 2 hours & 45 minutes.  This was the final part of our participation.  Unfortunately, I was not able to pull off painting while talking.  I had high expectations, too .. including a list of other to-do's if I got done with some painting [laundry, dishes, etc.].  But no.  I mostly sat on my bar stool staring at surface of my workbench ... because the questions involved some concentration.  The mess [photos] above is the surface of my workbench.

While staring at it ... I realized how much it symbolized what was going on.  Bits & pieces of the past mixed with things of the present.  Different colors from all the different time periods & emotions.  If you look at it closely you can see little traces of things that you'll understand.  Other things you have no idea what the heck it is.  Underneath it all is a map.  And to someone ... this all makes sense.  It looks sort of like a mess [and I know some things were definitely harder to do than others], but it is all part of something bigger & better than what we can see now.

A little over a month ago, we saw a flyer.  It read something like this.  The University of Missouri is where Kyle & I met & graduated from.  It's what first caught my eye when I saw the brochure.  After reading every word & realizing we were who they were looking for, making the phone call & hearing that we did qualify ... we felt called to do it & knew the end [finding a cause for Autism] would justify the means [day trip to Columbia, pages & pages of questionnaires, DNA samples, & my 6 hours & 45 minutes total of interviewing].

Everything we did ... will be a part of an anonymous case study.  It's not for us to get information.  It's for us to give information & help contribute to finding a cause for Autism.  We'll be a file folder [or something like that] that researchers from anywhere in the world [not just Columbia, Missouri] can pick up, leaf through, examine & look for those links.  I'm so proud of my little family for being an anonymous case study in one of the coolest, largest Autism studies going on in the world.  Fingers crossed someone picks up our file folder [or one of the other 3,000+ families participating] & says "oh looky here".  :)  ['Cause you so know that's what researchers say when they find stuff.]

Doing what we can ...

[Theodore Roosevelt quote found here.]

The next few hours I hope to be found in my "studio" [totally an unfinished basement with just a nook I've taken over, but doesn't "studio" sound dreamy?] ... and I hope to be able to do 2 things at once [painting while talking].

Because for 2.5 hours [kind of random, I know, but that's what I've been told] I will be on a phone.  Answering questions ... as part of a huge Autism / DNA study that we are participating in.  Why?  Well. Because I totally believe in the quote above by Theodore Roosevelt.  All we can do is say "This is us.  This is who we are & what we're doing."  And maybe someone, somewhere, someday can take our little pieces of information & plug it into that huge puzzle of Autism.  Neat huh?  We think so.  :)  That's why we're doing it.  So worth it if it can help someone, somewhere, some day. :)

He's back ...

[found here.]

This guy has hopped back into the mix.  He was probably the most popular of all the prints & I couldn't keep up with him.  I didn't want to relist without knowing if I had any more to offer.  But Spring was a crazy-busy time for us ... I didn't even have the time to check on that.  Or if I did have the time, I also was taking the time to think of 84 other things I had to do ... and I did those before my moment to think had come & gone. :)

But ... he's back.  I have 2 until my supply is depleted [I finally checked on that].  Sometime in the next 2 weeks - 2 years I hope to have more [new!] prints to offer!  Wish me luck with that. :)

It all adds up ...

So ... I haven't quite sold out from my "cREaTing awareness" items, but it was time for a tally.  :)  Of the items that have sold, this year we've raised $400 to give to F.I.R.E.  More will be given as the section sells out ... and after we do, we will be over $1000 [combined from 2009 & 2010] donated to F.I.R.E. in Brett's name via just some time + canvas + paint.  Oh & I can't forget all the super nice people who bought the product of my time + canvas + paint.  :)

I know I've referenced it before ... that it seems like sometimes as parents to an Autistic child we are spinning in circles with a blindfold on.  Sometimes we get pointed in directions, other times we just start walking.  But I'd rather be attempting to go somewhere aimlessly than stand still.  My "cREaTing awareness" fundraiser is just one of those ways that I feel better by doing something.  It's a forward direction.  You read the sentiments & it changes you for the moment or longer.  Or you purchase the artwork & it changes you in addition to those who see it in your home.  And lastly, the money raised from those items in my shop ... go to an organization that gives our local parish schools grants so that they can say "yes" to a student with special needs.  Which in turn changes people for a lifetime.

A special thank you to Lindsay, too, who generously created some artwork with proceeds going to F.I.R.E.  Just because.  :)  So nice.  And to Brett's grandparents, aunts & uncles who made a donation to F.I.R.E. in honor of Brett's 1st Communion in lieu of gifts.  These are all separate donations ... not even included in my own grand total, but definitely worth mentioning. :)

Thank you to all who have helped in all the various ways.  It all adds up ... to a positive change somewhere, that wouldn't have been there otherwise.  Big or small ... it all adds up to something better than we had before.  :)

P.S. I have a give-away in the works.  It's been pushed back a little [along with several other things] due to our perfect score of 5/5 ... with Strep.  All 3 kids came down with it this week.  We are all 5 part of the 2x a day for 10 days Amoxicillin Club.  It's not a fun club to be a part of ... but at least we're all in it together. ;)

Love him? Check. [Part 2]

I never realized what a pivotal thing that checklist was. But in hindsight, I guess it was then that all of Brett's delays [the few I knew about & the dozens I did not] were all put together for me in plain view. I don't know if it was just me being sensitive or the evaluators or the process being insensitive, but it was as if they were inspecting a faulty product on the assembly line. I wish it had been done differently. For a little over an hour they spotlighted the bad things. And it hit me hard. But as of today, I've spent roughly 74,838 hours with him. I made another checklist focusing on accomplishments & other wonderful things that are unique to him.

DATE: April 30th, 2010

CHILD'S NAME: Brett

DATE OF BIRTH: October 2001

REASON FOR EVALUATION: Autism Spectrum

å learned to talk

å was potty trained

å is very artistic

å is learning to read

å is very good at math [& bubble letters]

å has been given speaking roles at Mass

å plays soccer & has scored some goals

å can swim 25 yards without touching the bottom or the sides of the pool

å has earned cub scout badges

å learned to ride a 2-wheeler bike

å is creative, resourceful & determined

å can eat an adult size portion of spaghetti

å has the biggest, most beautiful brown eyes

å has sweet little freckles on his nose & cheeks

å is the "baby whisperer" ... he transforms when he sees a baby. :)

å plays a mean game of kickball with his classmates

å has the cutest sounding, most contagious laugh

å has been invited over for play dates [by himself]

å has been invited to birthday parties [by himself]

å made his First Communion

å has the most gorgeous shade of auburn hair

å loves the number 55 [still not sure why, but it's his favorite]

å can pump his legs & swing all by himself

å absolutely LOVES having an audience

å is incredible at shooting hoops

å is incredible at hitting pitched baseballs

å draws some of the most detailed sketches of airplanes

å never gets hot

å never gets cold

å can go off the high dive

å has just learned multiplication tables

å loves having friends & being around people

å reminds me if I ever forget to give the kids their vitamins

å has just learned how to tuck in his shirt

å has just learned how to zip up his jacket

å has taught a 6th grade spanish class about the Blue Angels

å has just become brave enough to try hot lunches at school

å wants to be a pilot or a priest when he grows up

å is a little tone deaf, but loves to sing

å says Xie xie [thank you in Chinese]

å and expects me to say Bu ke qi back [perhaps watches too much of this]

å has a self-imposed uniform for just about every activity he does

å is the proud Webkinz parent to Willy the Walrus & Charlie the Caterpillar

å he's never met a stranger, asking everyone if they've bought him a DS

å has a silly bone

å doesn't have a shy bone in his body

å loves to hug

å loves to kiss [... and sometimes lick to surprise you]

å loves his family

å has the brightest smile

å has a very sweet soul

å doesn't like tension between people

å makes sincere apologies all on his own

å just wants to be like every other 2nd grade boy

å has more than exceeded my expectations since that first checklist.

Brett, xie xie for teaching me over time what Autism can look like. :) Love you. And all the things that make you you.

There's no cure, but ...

we'll take faith, love & acceptance in exchange. :)

I haven't made a treasury in awhile ... but I decided to do one as a final push for cREaTing Awareness & Autism Awareness Month [found here]. Tomorrow is the last day of April ... and I still have some items left. :) No worries. I'm not pulling them. I will leave them. And if push comes to shove ... I will pre-donate my proceeds, in anticipation of a sell out. :) I have faith.

I am working on a follow up to my post from last week regarding "the checklist". I will post it tomorrow as a wrap up for the month. :) Stay tuned.

Thanks to all who have helped in ALL the various ways. I firmly believe "it takes a village" ... whether it be helping to rear a child in your community or helping a fundraiser get off the ground. :) Your support has meant a lot.

Love him? Check. :)

{September 2003}

This photo is kind of sad in a way. Or 2 ways really. One, Kyle was deployed. My friend took this with my 35mm camera [then I scanned it in] so we could put it on a CD to mail to the squadron [surprise photos from home back before it was easy to e-mail photos]. We were 1 month into a 6 month deployment :P. Two, a month after this photo I would be taking Brett to the doctor for his 2 year check-up & I would be told I needed to get him evaluated. At the 18 month appointment Brett wasn't walking or talking ... but we got him to walk right after the appointment [phew, dodged that bullet]. But by the 2 year check up ... he still wasn't talking.

2 months later at the Early Steps appointment ... they threw the book at me. They gave him check marks in areas I didn't know he needed them. I'll never forget just thinking we were there for a speech delay & then having the woman evaluating him do all these quick procedures & rattling off to her assistant all the spots to fill in with check marks. She picked Brett up, set him down & rattled off "LOW MUSCLE TONE". Stuff from left field. It was as if I wasn't even in the room. I just watched them make check marks on this form.

Oh. :(

They never said Autism ... but I went home & got on my dial-up internet to see what all the check marks could mean. I'll never forget the way my stomach turned whenever my eyes glazed over some symptoms of Autism. No ... that's just the worst case of these symptoms, I thought. Then I'd continue to search for some other more mild explanation for what was going on with Brett ... in order to turn my stomach right side up.

I was holding on for dear life to the dreams of a typical child that was just delayed. It was too scary to think about that not being the case. I loved him for who he was, but I didn't want him to fit in such a well-known category such as Autism. Because then people would think about my child, what I thought [at the time] about Autism: no thoughts or feelings or a personality; anti-social; not affectionate. I didn't want people to just automatically think that about him ... and I was afraid that's what the label came with.

When looking back on my life & the moments I wish I could redo ... the total fear & turning of my stomach at the thought of Autism are some of those things I wish I could take back. Despite all the check marks ... Brett hadn't changed. He was the same little boy before & after the appointment. And last but not least, I wish I knew there was nothing wrong with looking at him as a typical child who was just delayed. Even with all that I know now ... that's how I see him. :) After all, everything he is ... is typical for him. It's how God made him.